I did not know the hole would be this big

May 21. I feel like I betrayed him. But he wouldn't go by himself. I practically begged him to. I think I should not be this upset about the loss of a dog. He was only a dog. I don't griev random humans though, do i? It's the relationship that matters. I experienced an "I can't breathe" moment. I really could't breathe, though I was trying to. The airways closed up. He did not want to die. I could see it in his eyes.