Thoughts on the situation

My boyfriend is wonderful because he's so manly. He's also smart and funny and good-looking. He thinks I'm pretty and calls me his sexy girlfriend.

On the other hand: he doesn't like it that I'm having an affair. He'd prefer me to be perfect and pure. There's a bit of irony for you, eh? He wishes I were not the kind of person who would have an affair. What am I supposed to do with that? Answer: I can't be with him anymore. I spent many years with someone who despised me (that would be my husband, Don). I'm not going to do that again.

He's always joking; never being serious. I can't really talk to him. I'm always going to be wanting something from him that he's not going to give. Same old story for the past eight years. What have I ever gotten out of this except the hope and expectation that someday he'll love me? That hope has kept me going for so so long but eventually even I have to wake up. This is NEVER going to be an epic love-affair. He's a light-duty boyfriend, nothing else. A handsome smart funny sexy light-duty guy who spends his evenings watching TV. If I want to spend time with him then I have to become a TV watcher too.

I'm bored out of my mind

J and I haven't spent any decent time together in a while. We've been intimate, but w/o face time I end up feeling used. I'm bored out of my mind. I'm gonna take a break from being the dinner-maker for a while. That makes me feel used, too. I'm gonna focus on training Bandit and Dice, and spend sometime with my new digital camera and photo blog. It's a beautiful day out there; I should be taking photos of tombstones.

Email's Down

Note from our network admin:

It appears email in general is down again. 5-HELP is flooded and tells you to call back, so I'm assuming this is an ITS issue. A few people, myself included, can't log into our email even through WebMail. ITS has been making some email routing changes recently; it could have something to do with that. I'm sure they're working on it. I suggest we all just enjoy our Friday afternoon without the use of a critical business tool that this campus can't keep running for more than three weeks at a time.

Wonderful Love

Joe said that, in spite of its weirdness, what he has now is the best thing he's ever had.

Here's what he has: an inexpensive place to live, a buddy to pal around with, and a girl he's loved for a long time who now loves him back.

It's not the perfect situation but it is pretty close. We can't talk about it with anyone but ourselves, but I'd rather have things the way they are -- two boys and one girl -- than have them be like a storybook romance. I'd be afraid of a one-to-one relationship. I'd be afraid that it would get messed up.

Don said he wants me to be happy and if I love Joe, well, he can accept that.