Foot Surgery

Bunionectomy on Tuesday. Wednesday was horrible but it's getting better.

Still want out

We had (another) nice talk in which I explained my feelings. Jim's great for wanting to understand. But he's still best friends with David. I want out. They are both going to have to go. It's gonna hurt like hell but I've got to get out of here. They are sitting down in the family room right now, watching TV and chatting. I'd like to watch TV and chat with my boyfriend, but there's no room. I refuse to make up a threesome; that's just too twisted. I want them both to go away. I've decided to sell the house. It's gonna be really painful and difficult. But come spring, Jim will still not have a job, David will still not have a job, they will still be best buds, and they will have spent even more time in each other's company than Jim will have spent with me. I want out.

I'm leaving!

I've finally reached the point where I can ask for a divorce, break up with Jim and sell the house.

I hate it here so so much. David and Jim are a real tight couple; there's no room for me.

Independent

D and J went off to Chandler's mine yesterday, leaving me alone for hours. It was the best thing, as these things usually turn out to be, for it gave me the chance to go to Union Reservoir. I realized while there that I'm not capable of being in a successful relationship, want to be like Rose Wilder Lane, and am being forced to be what is best for me -- independent. I'm going to cut my hair as a sign of that.

Finally ready for the future

It's taken many years, but I'm finally ready for the 'Let's get a divorce' discussion with Don. I actually envisioned it, and it went well! Also am ready to move on with my life without J. He's got so many awesome qualities, but there are two deal-breakers: no job, and best friends with Don. I'm okay with moving to a smaller place. Not sure what to do about the dogs. Maybe Rose can take Dice. Bandit will be lonely until I get home but there's no help for that.

I hate myself

Because I suck

New Goal: Wedge Driver

New goal for June: Drive a wedge between Don and YKW. I just can't take the happy friendship that exists between them. I'm going to make them distrustful and unhappy with each other. I'm going to do it by making friendly with Don.

Update July 2013: This turned out to be very hard to do, because I just don't like Don. I don't want to interact with him in any way. But, I'm going to try again.

I Love Jim

And he loves me. He's the one I love. Don't know what the future holds, nor are things perfect. But they are mostly perfect.

Don't Want to Hide Anymore

Not worth it. Better to be known than to pretend to be something and someone I'm not. Better to be rejected for what I am than accepted for what I am not. Ha. The irony there is that I am a poser. That's who and what I am.