Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Shit, it's our anniversary

Don and I have been married twenty years. I've been unhappy more than I've been happy. It's been more miserable than joyous. I've been unhappy 60 to 70% of the time. It's been a crappy marriage. In twenty years I have not learned how to manage him; I have not learned how to change his mind when he's wrong; I have not learned how to deal with his tempers, his bad moods, his criticisms; I have not learned to communicate.

I guess I'd better learn. That's what I'm here for, isn't it? I chose him because he was like my Dad. I chose him so I could redeem my mother's marriage. My mother was miserable, too. But at least in that case, Dad made a ton of money. He took care of her financially, he took her on trips around the world, and he cared for her in his own immature way.

Don cares for me in his own immature way, too. Unfortunately he's a complete loser when it comes to making a living.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Go with your gut

Don't worry, and don't think about it. When the time comes, you'll know what to do.

The problem is doing it when the time comes. You'll always be able to recognize the right time - it's that split second when you think "I should talk to them" or "I should do that" and then your mind says "No you shouldn't, because of this semi-plausable reason." It is a briefest of moments, and almost always everyone agrees with their mind.

Never agree with your mind. Your mind has no idea what it is talking about. Always go with your gut.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

How to be completely miserable

1. Want something you can't have.
2. Reject what you do have.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Don and Joe: Best Buddies

So my husband comes home from work and says, "I'm going to go up to visit Joe. He lives up the street across from the laundromat. He invited me over." He grabs a bite to eat and off he goes. I know Joe lives up the street. I went to his place last year about this time. It was the second-to-last time I ever talked to him. See how the universe taunts me. Very funny, God! My husband gets to be friends with Joe but I don't. I loved him but now I don't even get to see him.

Later: Don came home very very late, and very very stoned. They are both stoners. I hope they are happy together.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Parasite: Pinworm

Kendall knocked on my bedroom door late last night. "Can we go to the drugstore? I need some medicine." She was horribly embarrassed to tell why. She'd somehow contracted pinworm. You know what that is? Little tiny white worms that live in your guts and crawl out your rectum at night to lay their eggs. You can see them if you look at your private parts at night. Yuck! Kendall self-diagnosed; I did not check her. When you're 17, the last thing you want is for your mom to look at your privates. I picked up an over-the-counter medicine for her. One dose takes care of the little buggers.