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Marine Corps birthday!
http://shinyredcat.wordpress.com/2010/11/10/marine-corps-birthday/

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Melanie came for Thanksgiving

Mel lives in Tennessee now with Aaron Parker. They intend to marry at some time in the future. He seems like a good guy. She came out on Thanksgiving to visit us, and to take her car and her stuff back to Tennessee with her. I was sad. It's hard to see the kids because I know they are going to leave.

We didn't do much except go to the Harry Potter movie. We had Thanksgiving here at the house, with Grandpa, Karen, David and Jim in attendance. I had been hoping and hoping that we could really talk, but it didn't happen until the very last day, the very last few hours, as we were waiting for 420 Highways to open so I could buy her some medicine. So that was a good thing, that she had lost her own.

Having kids was the most wonderful thing I ever had. Now that it's gone I'm not sure what to do with myself. Nothing is really important.

What if there isn't any more?

One day a woman's husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife realized that sometimes there isn't anymore. No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute."

It always happens, always. What we care most about WILL get all used up and go away. There's nothing you can do to avoid the pain, except to go away first.

Hell of a Weekend

Labor Day weekend was incredible. And not necessarily in a good way. I had planned to go shoot the free flight competition. I'm the unofficial photographer. All the guys like my work, so I like to be there with them. Jim's being all needy, though, so it was hard to get away. The competition was all three days. I went out Saturday and Sunday, then spent Monday with Jim even though I would have rather been photographing.

Jim took me mountain biking to Elk Meadow. We chose a trail that was way too hard for me. I had to push my bike most of the way. The mountain kept going up and up. Finally I collapsed, crying, into a nervous wreck, accompanied by emotionally-induced asthma. Which means I couldn't breathe either.

Plus, the Four Mile Canyon fire started that morning. I got some nice photos of smoke billowing over the mountains. Jim took me up Flagstaff Mountain so we could get a closer look. It's awful. No one's been killed but lots of structures and houses have burned up. Slurry bombers have been flying overhead all day. It's emotionally wrenching.

Today I can barely concentrate on my work. I'd rather be out watching the fire.

My Boyfriend

My boyfriend is a rock climber and a sailor.
He rides a motorcycle and a mountain bike.

I read books and walk dogs and take photographs.
I workout and try to stay nice-looking.

I fulfill my responsibilities.
I'm empty and dull.

I want to be more like him.

Money

Money is an issue that causes a lot of worry for me. I do wish I had married someone who cared about having a steady job. David quit work more than ten years ago and hasn't looked back. Oh sure, he's held part-time jobs here and there but just so he could pay for his own hobbies; he never again thought about making a living or providing for his wife and children. So we weren't provided for.

I lent him $1000 last month. He needed money to pay the phone bill and to pay the movers of the lift that Jim gave him. He hasn't paid me back and very likely won't for a long time.

Jim closed up the shop. It never was a big money-maker. It made just enough to scrape by. Now Jim's at home doing work around the house. This week he's putting in a gate out back. I am paying for materials.

I want David out. And I want a husband who has a good job.

April Fool's Day

Dentist appointment today; first in more than ten years. Doctor very happy with my teeth. Could hardly be better. I do have the beginnings of a small cavity which will need to be filled in the coming six months. My main complaint is my left TMJ which is painful all the time. The doctor took casts of my mouth and I will have a splint to wear at night. Eventually we'll adjust my bite by tweaking the teeth so I no longer have pain.

Also, Jim and I continue being very happy. He has closed the shop. I trust that he won't sit around for several years, not making any money, the way David did.

So Amazing

I've got the most amazing boyfriend. He's so handsome, and funny, and interesting. He wants to be close. He notices right away when there is a divide between us. He wants to spend time with me. He wants to learn to dance! He thinks I'm intelligent and interesting and pretty, and he often tells me he loves me.