Confession

So guess who talked to who today? Don, my husband of 18 years, talked to Joe, the man I was in love with two years ago. Don needed Acura advice for my sister's car and called Joe to get it. Don doesn't know anything about me and Joe. I told Joe things would stay that way.

I have no need for confession. I believe in my grandmother's advice, that while confession may be good for the soul it's bad for relationships. The last time I talked to Joe, a year ago now, I told him I wouldn't ever tell. I consider the whole thing to be a secret that belongs to the both of us, not just to me. Also, I was concerned about just this type of eventuality -- that the two of them would have contact through their work. I didn't want them to be uncomfortable in each other's presence.

I qualified my promise, though. I won't tell until I'm sixty. I reserve the right to say anything to anybody when I'm sixty. So when that year rolls around, maybe then I'll tell Don, "I kissed Joe the year my mother died." But I won't say anything till then.

Now perhaps Joe knows I've kept my word thus far.

He Talks Too Much

God, my office mate is so annoying. He's a talker. A big talker. I ask him a question ("Is cuFSTitle in the XML what the stylesheet calls the Business Title?") (Doesn't that sound like an impressive question? I'm pretty impressed myself.) which he answers with a long history of how he queries the database and why. Waaaaaaay too many words. I can't listen to that deluge of detritus in the hope of mining a gem, so I don't listen at all.

The Bunny Got Away Again

The bunny got away again; no one knows how. Don said he saw him hopping about the alley in the afternoon. He had been roaming free in Rhiannon's room. Our best guess is that someone left the door open though no one will admit to this. He must have grabbed the chance for freedom when it came. Can you blame him? He probably explored the downstairs a bit, then made his way up the stairs, through the kitchen and out the back door, which we leave open in nice weather. Too bad it's not nice weather now. It's dark out, with thunder, lightning, rain and hail. I went out with an umbrella and a flashlight but didn't see him. I hope the little guy stays warm and dry all night.

I took the dog out once the rain let up. (Still lightning though - very exciting!) It was all dark and still, with porchlight gleaming off the wet patches, a perfect singing-in-the-rain night, and so I did. Mary Chapin Carpenter's Come On Come On, my current favorite.

The Meaning of Life

What is the meaning of life? I've been pondering this question for years and I still don't know. But I do know one thing - whatever the meaning of life is, it can be found in shorter time spans. It's not just your life you need to think about; it's this year, this week, this minute. What's the meaning of this minute? If you can answer that, you may have the answer to all.

I've Found Paradise

It's right here in Lafayette, along the Coal Creek Trail. There's a small bosque there (a cottonwood forest next to a river) where birds flutter, horses graze, and the sun sparkles on the stream. The skeleton of a huge white tree stretches up over a swimming hole. There's a rope swing on it so anyone who wants to can swing out over the water. I sat there, entranced by the reflections and the dragonflies, for half an hour while my dog played at the water's edge.

Today was a really wonderful day. I got up early and headed out to take some photos. I love this hobby. Today I walked up Cannon alley and down Chester alley. I took some shots of dew on autumn leaves, bees in flowers, a tiny pumpkin on a compost pile, and wicker chairs backlit by sun.

A lot of the photos don't turn out which is discouraging. I'm having a difficult time capturing on film the quality of uniqueness that I see about me. I'm not ready to give up, though. I must keep trying, keep learning.

My exercise program is going well. I'm being fairly consistent and my body is responding. I am having a hard time keeping the calories down, though, because 1) food feels so good, and 2) it's something to do when you're reading or working on something mindless.

The Most Important Thing

The most important thing in life is to manifest the divine light as is given you to manifest it; which you do by being the best you can be, by living vitally, or as Joseph Campbell puts it, by following your bliss.

The things that makes me ME are passing and transitory. The eternal thing is the consciousness of which I am a part. And yet, it is my uniqueness though which others will be blessed and served. Be unique. Be vital. Follow your bliss.

In the world of the passing and transitory:
Kendall had a bunch of friends over for a poker tournament this evening. I spent a good deal of time wondering when I should make them go home. I feel silly about my worrying now. They are good kids and the party was pretty low key. There was no alcohol, smoking or rowdy behavior. My carpets were in no danger. (I can hear what you're thinking - "You call that a party?"). There was just lots of talk, laughter and Jimi Hendrix blasting on the stereo. At 12:30, they started to say things like, "I'm ready for this tournament to be over," and "I can barely keep my eyes open." I took that as my cue to say "It's 12:30. I should probably kick you guys out now." They finished their hand and off they went.

The Price You Pay

In spite of the fact that I love what I do, I sometimes think I should have entered a different career. Because I might enjoy it even better. Because I might be able to do more to make the world a better place. Because it might be what I am supposed to be doing.

And this makes me realize: Whatever you choose, you don't choose something else.

Further, you don't have to do anything. You don't have to choose anything. But you do have to live with the consequences of your choice.

That's the desperate truth, the spiral paradox. The price you pay is that you have to live with the consequences.

So ask yourself, Who are you? What do you want to be? What would you give to be that person?

Would you give your time? Your money? Your life?

What do you give in exchange for what you most want?

This is your life you are living. This is your life that you are giving. You can choose or not choose, do or not do, live or not live. But you cannot Not Pay. You will always pay.

Just make sure that what you get is worth it. You are trading your life for something. Make sure it's worth it.

Life is Good

Just a quick note to say I like my new hobby (photograpy), I like my new job (XSLT developer), I like my rabbit and my dog, I like my body, I like my hair, I like my kids. My house is okay, as is my husband. He's great except he doesn't want to be bothered with adult responsibility. Life is pretty good. Not perfect, but pretty damn good.

Here's what I did after work: went for walk with dog and took snapshots, made salsa (there is nothing as good as homemade salsa -- nothing), picked up, started a load of laundry, did aerobics and watched Whale Rider (a very sloooooooow movie; I could barely get through it). I only partially completed my Daily Check List.

Disaster Relief

Here's an entry from Rhiannon's Blog. She's on disaster relief in Florida, cleaning up after the many hurricanes that blew through this season.

I love hard gym floors.
They are fun to sleep on,
especially when you have 30 girls packed
into a room fifteen by twenty feet large.

I love tarping roofs,
especially when the roofs are so hot
they melt your tennis shoes.
I am glad that the tarps are slippery,
because it makes it that much easier to fall off.
Especially when you have to walk across them to get off.

I love lots of fast food.
If it were up to me, I would eat nothing else.
Fortunately, we don't eat anything else.
Fast food 3 meals a day, 7 days a week.
I love being a vegetarian.

I love moving.
It's a good thing that we move once a day.
Otherwise I would get to sleep on a bed.
Otherwise I would get to eat a home-cooked meal.
Otherwise I would get to shower in a decent shower.
It's a good thing that we move once a day.

I love disaster relief.

Thank you.

Images in Blogger

I'm working on getting images figured out.

Here are some:


Okay, that worked. Those are thumbnail images from my Back Alley Project photography, which I work on after I get home from work.

It's been an education, let me tell you. I've ruined several good pictures through

1. camera shake
2. paying no attention to aperture
3. incorrect light metering