Saturday, January 03, 2015

In another universe I'm happy

Not that I'm not happy here, but maybe I could be happier. Surrounded by family and friends, for example, instead of eating dinner alone on my bed.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Last Text with Rhiannon

I was being difficult, admittedly. But she was being particularly assholey, too. God I'm sick of people who believe they know it all. How is it that that's the only kind of people I know? Am I really the only one who doesn't know all that much?

The sad thing is, she won't even notice if I don't text or call her, because we rarely talk. A couple times a year, maybe. She doesn't know me at all, nor I her.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Dice died

Peacefully Monday afternoon. She'd had a breakfast of oat bread, liver powder and egg, and Don had taken her on a walk around the neighborhood. I'm glad we gave her a good life.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Arteriovenous malformation

I've got one. And it bled a little in my brain. That's not a good thing. If it does it again I could be fucked.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Love Poems

I sent him one. He said it was sweet and he didn't know what to say. I am such an idiot. Such a fricking idiot. God I hate myself so much. What a slap in the face from someone I thought loved me. He does just enough to keep himself from being kicked out. And I call that the best I've ever had. I guess it's not hard to top Don, or Dad. This piddly little love IS the best I've ever had. There's only one reason not to kill myself and that's Michaela. It would probably hit her pretty hard. I like to think it would, anyway. I want to be important to somebody.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

My siblings

Are people I lived with a long long time ago, when we were very little. We weren't friends then, and I can't pretend we are friends now. I only see them at Christmas. I'm not going to go to Christmas any more, or Thanksgiving either.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Ready to break up

For reals.

He's just so not suitable for long-term boyfriend material. There's no thought for the future with him, there's no planning, no preparation, no dreams. There's just TV, occasional outdoor outings, listening to him tell stories about himself and watching him get high. It's all very much in the present.

I'm not going to tell him, I'm just going to start acting differently.

No obligations.
I'm in charge.
It's my house.
I'll watch whatever I want to, downstairs.
I'll clean off the patio table and do my computer lessons out there.
I'll talk about whatever I want to.
I'll be a bitch and an asshole.
Very excited about the changes.

He uses me; time for me to start using him. No obligations.