All those things are happening that I've read about.

May 30 I check my phone to see if he's called or messaged. I wonder if he misses me. I keep hoping he doesn't think I let him down. Grief comes in waves. Having to face getting rid of his stuff. Not being able to breathe cuz airways close up. The huge hole Feeling the need to contact him. Starting to do the stuff I routinely did for him and then remembering it's not necessary any more Looking up and thinking you saw them Looking over to where they aften sat but it's empty Guild: He did not want to die. The dailyness of it: everyday I wake up and he's not there.