Nothing

He didn't call for private time at all this past week. And yea, it hurts. I wish he wanted me. I wish he needed me. I had a lovely spiritual retreat however. I've begun a serious meditation practice as described in Full Catastrophe Living. I'm doing a body scan meditation every morning, breathing at night, and mindfulness all day. I've needed this for a while as my stress levels get pretty high sometimes due to the anxiety of Rhiannon leaving and the pain of piriformis syndrome. I learned an important lesson Saturday evening while Rhiannon and I were drinking chais at Borders Bookstore -- I realized that worry cuts you off from the happiness of the moment. I've been so upset about her going that I haven't been able to enjoy her presence. I stopped worrying immediately upon understanding that. I don't want to be miserable the last two weeks I have with her. I want to be happy. Can I transfer this lesson to my troubles with Joe? I'll try.

Update 1: Joe called while I was typing. We had a longish chatty pleasant conversation. He didn't ask to see me. He asked me to find size 1 swim fins online for his daughter. Nothing about our love or even our friendship. He's a player. He's just playing.

Update 2: I had a Monster Energy drink at lunch and I'm flying. I have a slight headache but the moodiness is gone. Maybe I don't need to see the doctor about that Valium after all. Maybe Monster Energy drinks are all I need. And they are a hellava lot cheaper than a $130 doctor's visit.