Kendall's double bed wouldn't fit in the car, so Joe very kindly drove it and me up to Ft. Collins. He was distant and closed the entire time. He doesn't like talking while driving, at least not to me. I imagine his other girlfriends chattered happily on and on.
I did manage to find out what went wrong last Saturday when he changed his mind about being intimate. Apparently I wasn't touching him right -- he had wanted me to focus on one area rather than massaging more widely as I was doing. He said I wasn't being receptive and he didn't want to have to keep pushing for it. Something like that. What a bunch of crock. He never said a word at the time, not even when I asked. Not receptive?!?! How dare he make that my fault. Fuck that shit. I need to be able to trust him. I can't be wondering if he's about to shut me out. Now I know for sure that if I make a misstep during sex he will. I'm not going to touch him ever again. It's not worth it.
I loved him so much. And it's only ever been painful.
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